I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize