Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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