then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize