I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
