so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
