Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
