I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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