I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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