I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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