pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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