Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
