apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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