Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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