on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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