So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
