6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
