Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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