Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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