I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
