I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
