Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
