I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize