would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
