I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
