He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize