okay pat passed out under dana's car
that's an acceptable place to lick
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
