I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
