you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
