Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
