No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
