I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize