Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
