I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Your cock deserves a montage
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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