worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize