My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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