I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
