I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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