The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
