you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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