i don't like sucking hair
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
