Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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