haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
