you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
