Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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