i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
