Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
