Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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