First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
