Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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