Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
