they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
