Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
