Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
