so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
