i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
