just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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