i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
