Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why is there bacon in the couch?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
