id be glad to
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
