This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
