It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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