btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
