i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
