oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
