GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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