I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Your penis caused this!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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