All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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