I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
