best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
