"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
