So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
